Kick Ash Comics News | Jonathan Hickman | X-Men

Kick Ash Comics News: Fungirl Strikes Again

Kick Ash Comics News isn’t trapped in here with you. You’re trapped in here with Kick Ash Comics News!

That’s right, we re-branded!

Long Island Library Accidentally Gives Out Pornographic Comic to Families | ABC 7 Eyewitness News

Well! Looks like somebody forgot to read our column last week, and see what happened: Scandal and infamy. Do not invite Fungirl into your domain lightly, librarians, for she is a trickster goddess.

Kick Ash Comics News | Fungirl
No more pancakes for this kid.

Kick Ash Comics News | Dana Wheeler-Nicholson
Dana Wheeler-Nicholson


You might have assumed that the granddaughter in question would be related to the treacherous Bob Kane, but it turns out her grandfather was actually Malcolm Wheeler-Nicholson, an interesting dude who provides the rare example of a publisher being swindled out of the cash cow that the likes of Batman and Superman became (presumably before he himself had the opportunity to swindle people like Siegel and Shuster, but perhaps I’m being uncharitable). His is an interesting rabbit hole to go down if you find some time on your hands this weekend. Also, his granddaughter seems like a real cool chick.

Brian Michael Bendis Moves His Jinxworld Line to Dark Horse (Exclusive) | The Hollywood Reporter

Now this is—this is great news. It’s great news, okay? Reading these early works and watching Bendis develop—it’s fascinating. I am fascinated. Like watching-a-mermaid fascinated. His dialogue is—it’s—it’s unmistakable. Also easily parodied by chumps like me. Anyway, you should invest in these. Good stories about grifters, like, grifting. Doing whatever it is grifters do. Also: they are women. Noir women. I promise you will not regret reading these books.

Kick Ash Comics News | Brian Michael Bendis | Jinx

Kick Ash Comics News | Robins
Cradle Robin.

Batman’s First, Secret Robin Will Be Revealed in DC Comics | Screen Rant

Let it be known that Batman-is-a-pedophile-type observations are déclassé and beneath this column as a rule. It is a subject we do not bandy lightly. But sometimes on life’s journey you encounter a headline so stomach-turning it stops you in your tracks. This story notes, breathlessly, that the upcoming miniseries Robins will feature no less than five people Batman invited as children, unsupervised, into a secret cave beneath his home to dress up in outfits. Guess what? There may be a sixth! DC, think for a minute how stories like this sound to someone who isn’t neckbeard-deep in comics lore. The time to stop and re-examine the Robin idea was about three Robins ago.

Ron Lim reunites with Captain America 30 years after ‘Streets of Poison’ | Games Radar

This is unwelcome news. Ron Lim, every Captain America page you draw is a page of GRIPS that you did not draw. Withholding is a form of abuse. BRING BACK GRIPS! BRING BACK GRIPS! BRING BACK GRIPS!

Kick Ash Comics News | Ron Lim | Grips
No one would go broke who bets that Grips is about to say, “It’s time to take out the trash!”

Kick Ash Comics News | King Features | Mandrake the Magician
“I guess they’ll start calling her Womandrake now,” quipped Ethan Van Sciver between shallow breaths as drawing-related performance anxiety overtook him.

King Features Rethinks Classic Comics for YA, Middle Grade Readers | Publishers’ Weekly

One of the great injustices of comics, if not the greatest, is that the disuse of King Features characters deprives us of clickbait like “The 9 Most Withering Eyebrow Raises of Ming the Merciless,” or “This Is the Story That Proved Dale Arden Was Flash’s True Love,” or “Why Billy Zane Can Never Be Replaced As the Phantom.” Finally, our minds can be at peace.

Third issue of Joe Satriani’s sci-fi-themed comic book epic, Crystal Planet, open to orders now | Guitar World

“It’s just a lazy Mary Sue story,” Comics Reply Guy was heard to say as the Comics Welcome Wagon crushed Joe Satriani beneath its wheels. “What a hack.”

Kick Ash Comics News | Joe Satriani

Kick Ash Comics News | Jonathan Hickman | X-Men
male wear glasses for diving and holding aquarium above head isolated on green wall background.

Jonathan Hickman Confirms He Will Leave X-Men After Inferno | Bleeding Cool

Will he explain how Professor X is able to wear that fishbowl on his head everywhere without his neck getting sore, or will that be a dangling plot thread? Stay tuned to Hey Kids! Comics News!

Gnarly New ‘Venom: Let There Be Carnage’ Poster Fuses the Two Monsters Together |

This image captures Carnage and Venom in the fleeting moment before each realizes that their tongues are about to touch, and nothing will ever be the same.

Kick Ash Comics News | Venom Carnage | Venom Let Their Be Carnage
Put those things away.
Free Comic Book Day 2021 | Spider-Man | Spider-Gwen | Ash Avenue Comics

A Free Comic Book Day to Remember!

Thanks to you, Free Comic Book Day 2021 was a resounding success! It was a pleasure to spend the day in the company of old Ash Avenue Comics friends and to have the opportunity to make new ones. We got a special treat when Spider-Man and Spider-Gwen swung by to plug in some gaps in their back issue collections! To live in such a rich, diverse community of comics fans and pros is a gift that we don't take for granted. Thank you for choosing to shop at Ash Avenue Comics, and we hope to see more of you in the year ahead! On to Free Comic Book Day 2022!

Hey Kids Comics News | Danny DeVito | Penguin

Hey Kids! Comics News AFTER DARK! 8/13/2021

It’s not the end of the world if it’s a little late! As Bob Layton famously said to Rob Liefeld while squatting in Liefeld’s home until the pencils to Deathmate: Prologue were completed: “Better Layton never!” Is it true that Liefeld responded, “Get out of my house, Bob, I’m trying to read Hey Kids! Comics News!” Don’t say it isn’t because you weren’t there!

Here’s one for your scrapbook: Store owner Drew is quoted in this Phoenix New Times article about Free Comic Book Day:

Free Comic Book Day 2021 Is This Weekend. Here’s What Local Shops Have Planned.  |  Phoenix New Times

Come to the shop tomorrow for free comics (five titles per person, one issue per title, don’t try to trick us), stay for the 20% off storewide sale! Those Captain America by Dan Jurgens TPBs deserve a loving home like yours.

Hey Kids Comics News | Danny DeVito | PenguinThe Penguin Himself, Danny Devito, Will Write a New Penguin Story for DC Comics’ Upcoming Villains Anthology  |  Syfy Wire

The first paragraph of this story takes a moment to appreciate what a rare privilege we have to witness a famous actor, after decades of thankless, bitter toil down among the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, break through to become a work-for-hire DC Comics writer. If Danny DeVito can do it, we can do it. Next stop: Tinseltown, and then on to the series of PODS serving as the DC offices on the Warner Brothers lot for that $18-per-page rate!

Method Man’s Tical World blends comics, merch and NFTs  |  Music Ally

Method Man’s journey through the mid-life of the aging artist has entered that dark land where trend-setting fails and buzzwords prevail. We wish him well. But NFTs? Meth, how could you. NFTs are the natural enemy of the local comic book store. Here at HK! CN! HQ, we like our tokens like we like our women: fungible. Perhaps Raekwon the Chef would like to invest a little capital into a scrappy comics provider. At least buy a couple of Captain America by Dan Jurgens books, Kwon.

Hulk’s Wife Became She-Hulk Just to Prove Iron Man Wrong  |  Screen Rant

In this article dated six hours ago (as of this writing), the writer describes to his readers the plot of Ultimate Hulk vs. Wolverine #4, a comic published in 2009. That is entirety of the substance of the article. Reading it made my heart die.

I highlight this for you not only because the currency of this column is snarky brick-throwing, but also to note that websites shovel this sort of limp “content” out by the ton to trick us into clicking on them because they do not respect us.  “Content” is corporate jargon that means “the crap we put between ads.”  It’s a reductive term designed to devalue artists and writers by turning their work into a low-rate or no-rate commodity that exists only to occupy space between the ad at the top of the page and the ad at the bottom. This article barely even qualifies as that. The writer is reduced to a “content provider” and the reader is reduced to a series of click events that feed a spreadsheet of numbers that are presented to advertisers. When you see this kind of thing on a comic news site, remember: Comics deserve better than this. You deserve better than this.


Hey Kids Comics News | Fungirl | Ash Avenue Comics

Hey Kids! Comics News! 8/12/2021

Hey Kids! Comics News! for August 12, 2021

“And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for he realized he had forgotten to read that day’s Hey Kids! Comics News!

—Attributed to Plutarch

What would HK! CN!’s first week have been without every artist and writer you’ve ever heard of yielding to the warm embrace of Mother Substack? I can only speculate, but I suspect we would have been choking down a record-setting amount of clickbait. Like this:

Venom: Eddie Brock’s 10 Strongest Relationships In The Comics, Ranked  |

You get no points for guessing that number one is the alien suit. The man goes around eating brains like it’s his job. His relationship with his mother probably informs that. You can have a good relationship with your mother or you can go around eating the brains of the unwary. You cannot do both. There’s no point in trying to build suspense about it, fellow content provider.

Substack has been an absolute treasure chest for this column thus far. Four days in, everything is still Substack, Substack, Substack. For instance, Rich Johnston wonders:

How Do Substack Comic Creators Sleep At Night?  |  Bleeding Cool

Turns out, they’re all sleeping just fine, although Scott Snyder is still anxious to make sure we know that a tower of creative splendor will be built upon the foundation of his pusillanimous betrayal of Batman and Superman. How could you, Scott. They are heroes.

Indeed, this “Substack” may not be the bed of roses that the traitor Snyder would lead us to believe, according to Rich Johnston. I surprise even myself by how quickly this column has been reduced to me just telling you about stuff I read on Bleeding Cool.

Substack Comics Creators Criticised Over Site’s Offensive Content  |  Bleeding Cool

Yes, it seems that Substack has a troubling laissez-faire attitude when it comes to getting into bed with fascists, which Batman and Superman would never do, Scott Snyder. Well, maybe Batman would. In any case, I suppose I’m inclined to sympathize with the side that opposes doing business with people who do business with fascist hate-peddlers, but there’s an argument to be made that it’s a platform not a publisher and you can’t restrict speech and blah, blah, blah Mark Zuckerberg this and Twitter that. I wouldn’t make it, but someone would. And really, what’s worse—fascist hate speech or silly clickbait top-ten listicles about Eddie Brock’s bosom chums? The answer is fascist hate speech, obviously. Shame on you for even pausing to consider it. I thought better of you.

In happier news, Free Comic Book Day is this Saturday, and… Fungirl! Behave yourself!

Coca-Cola Paused Printing of Fungirl Comic, Over Sex Act Concerns  |  Bleeding Cool

Hey Kids Comics News | Fungirl | Ash Avenue Comics

Sheesh. Take that smut to Substack.

Meanwhile, someone besides Rich Johnston got to read some FCBD comics ahead of time and shared his thoughts:

FCBD 2021: Read It Or Leave It?: Gold Titles  |  Comics Beat

Ahead of Free Comic Book Day, the Smithsonian has unveiled a stunning digital project in collaboration with the Ringling College of Art and Design showcasing women cartoonists. They really like to throw their weight around over there. Hey, we got some good stuff too, Smithsonian. I bet you don’t have those last five Sensational She-Hulk issues in your warehouse.

New Comic Series Presents Ten Visionaries and Rule Breakers in SAAM’s Collection  |  Smithsonian Magazine

Breaking: Hey Kids! Comics News! sources have confirmed that the last five Sensational She-Hulk issues were discovered this week behind a crate of used mopheads in a janitor’s closet at the Smithsonian.